Don’t Marry Your Best Friend

engagement announcement ideasI’m not going to lie, it makes me sad every time I see another social media announcement of an engagement that includes the words “I can’t wait to marry my best friend.” Actually, there’s nothing worse than these. Why? I think it is LAZY. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy for you and your engagement, but your best friend…really? *cue eye roll*

Like one, could you not come up with anything a little more original to describe the person you have gotten to know intimately over the course of your relationship? I’m no relationship expert, but if you have nothing else to say about this person it doesn’t seem like marriage should be in your immediate future. I’m sure the reason you want to spend the rest of your life with your significant other goes beyond that he is just a really great friend. Maybe start by listing some of his best attributes that make you love him, why he is a great partner, something….?

And two, do you really mean that? Is this person really your best friend? If so, should they be?

Call me old school, but I don’t think your significant other should be your best friend. Here’s why:

Some Things Should Just Be Separate

Best friends are people you should be able to share everything with. And yes, you can say the same about your significant other, but some things should just be kept separate. If you are a couple that lives together, you already spend the majority of your time collectively. Therefore, you need your own hobbies and friends. If you are constantly on top of each other spending every waking moment not spent at work concurrently, chances are, someone might lose it.

You know what I love about Daniel? He knows what he likes and what he doesn’t like. He doesn’t try to pretend to be interested in the same things as me. It has worked out in my benefit. For example, that one time he said “I’ll buy your ticket to Justin Timberlake if it means I don’t have to go with you.” Win-win!

You know how they say, you need to know sadness to know happiness? Same concept. If you spend some time apart its likely you will be more appreciative of the time you do have together.

milwaukee engagement photos

Keep the Attraction Strong

Nothing gets me more excited than when Daniel decides to go out with friends. Why? I can do gross girly things like pick my black heads and do a face mask without him around. These are the type of things I have no problem doing with my friends, but I’d rather not Daniel see.

Don’t get me wrong, Daniel has certainly seen me at my worst and with a facemask on, but I like illusion that keeping my appearance is somewhat effortless. I may have some really repulsive habits, but there’s just some things he doesn’t need to know. I’d like to believe it keeps the attraction a little bit stronger if he doesn’t know exactly how I get there. There being: zit free, and no make up. (Praise Jesus for eyelash extensions!)

Communication

Lets just lay it out there, call me sexist, whatever, but guys just don’t communicate like girls. For example, when telling a story, guys don’t add in any details they don’t think are necessary to telling the story. Girls on the other hand, include more details than necessary.

We all just want to be heard. So when I need to vent or tell a story, I’m going to go to other people first. Also, I can’t complain to Daniel about something he did because he already knows he is in the wrong. But I still need to get things off my chest so that’s where my girlfriends come in handy.

And when I am upset with Daniel and vent to a girlfriend? I get the time apart I need to cool down and collect my thoughts so that I come back with a clear mind and we can have a conversation about what ever it was.

Communication is key in any relationship, some things need to be talked out but most guys aren’t much for talking too much. Talk to your man about what is important and save the other things for your best friends.

christmas tree farm engagement photos

Before you try to say anything, YES I realize you can have more than one best friend. And your significant other can maintain a lot of the same qualities and responsibilities a best friend does. My point here is that the person you are going to marry should be much more than just your best friend, so stop diminishing him to that in your Facebook announcement.

Let’s keep it at this: the “Best Friend” status after you get engaged is a cop out, and its LAZY. Tell us why you really love him and can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him. It doesn’t have to be as elaborate as my example. But give us a little more inside to your relationship.

And to all you girls that had the best friend status, I don’t mean to offend you. Honestly, I don’t. But I want to challenge you to classify your partner beyond just your best friend. Because he should be the love of your life, not your WHOLE life!

Disagree?? Let me know!

XO,

CoCo

49 Comments on Don’t Marry Your Best Friend

  1. CourtneyLynne
    February 11, 2017 at 7:20 pm (6 months ago)

    Interesting point of view!!! Kinda makes sense. I think your significant other needs to definitely be a bestie, but not THE bestie!

    Reply
  2. Maria
    February 11, 2017 at 2:39 pm (6 months ago)

    I understand your point of view, however, I don’t feel that this applies in my marriage. We are best friends but we also are individuals and respect each other as such.

    Reply
  3. Jeanine
    February 11, 2017 at 11:59 am (6 months ago)

    We didnt even send out announcements. We decided to get married and we did it. My husband is my best friend now, back then my girlfriends were but he is now!

    Reply
  4. Krystle Cook
    February 11, 2017 at 9:21 am (6 months ago)

    I can see both sides of this. I want my guy to be my best friend but then I want to be able to have some separate interests, too. I think you can have the best of both worlds!

    Reply
  5. Robin Rue
    February 11, 2017 at 9:20 am (6 months ago)

    I actually really love being able to call my husband my best friend. We have experienced so many things together that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Reply
  6. Jessica
    February 11, 2017 at 6:47 am (6 months ago)

    Friendships drift and change. My best friend and I have been friends for 17 years and we still are. She was my moh and I was hers & we get together when we can but we each have our own lives that keep us apart. My husband on the other hand is much more than that but there are times when I need her and times when I need him. It’s different.

    Reply
  7. Angela Ricardo
    February 11, 2017 at 3:03 am (6 months ago)

    As a military wife who could barely handle her busy schedule I am truly glad I came across your post. I totally agree with what you said that if a couple spend some time apart, you will be more appreciative when you are together. Everybody needs their space. You have some good points about it.

    Reply
  8. Kiwi
    February 10, 2017 at 6:36 pm (6 months ago)

    Interesting post. I actually do want to marry my best friend but I do get your point. I think some people are saying it to be obnoxious and cheesy and its not even true. Also your spouse is not like your best girlfriend so I do get what you are saying…you want your man to be your man not like your best girl friend. But I still want whoever my husband is going to be to be very close that he is my best friend, but still my man!

    Reply
  9. Shelby
    February 10, 2017 at 3:06 pm (6 months ago)

    You make some really good points. It was probably cute the first time somebody said it, but now? It’s cliche and over-used.

    Reply
  10. Ashley LaMar
    February 10, 2017 at 1:17 pm (6 months ago)

    I totally 100% get your points but I do disagree. My husband is my best friend and above all it’s because of the word BEST. I married him because he is above all else. He is my #1. He is the only person that I have ever sworn to stick with through thick and thin, come what may. Friends come and go, even ‘best’ female friends come and go, but a marriage is forever and that is what makes that friendship ‘best’ to me. 🙂

    Reply
  11. Rachel
    February 10, 2017 at 12:27 pm (6 months ago)

    This was a great little read… interesting. I like all of your points and get why you would say it’s “lazy” to say you are marrying your best friend. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    Reply
  12. Erica
    February 10, 2017 at 11:32 am (6 months ago)

    I LOOOOOOVELOVELOVELOVE this post.I love that your point isn’t that he’s NOT your best friend – he’s more than that, and there still requires a degree of intentionality (actually, a LOT of intentionality) to maintain a really friggin’ awesome marriage. As a newlywed, I absolutely love this post. WIll be sharing!

    Reply
  13. Tereza
    February 10, 2017 at 10:15 am (6 months ago)

    This is ever so interesting – I’ve never thought of it this way. I do totally get your points thought – some things perhaps should be kept separate! x

    Reply
  14. Sarah
    February 10, 2017 at 9:54 am (6 months ago)

    I think that in a healthy Revelations, balance is key, just like most things in life. I don’t really feel like my husband is my best friend, but he is definitely my partner.

    Reply
  15. melissa
    February 10, 2017 at 6:30 am (6 months ago)

    I love all the points you made and I think now in my 18th year of marriage I realize that it is a constant work in progress-each day you get another chance to wake up and love that person with everything you have- to challenge each other, to comfort each other- to do your own thing- knowing that person will be there for you as your soft place to fall should you need their help– marriage is about friendship and giving each other room to grow.

    Reply
  16. Barbie
    February 9, 2017 at 9:05 pm (6 months ago)

    Communication is key to any relationship. I think when you are friends the hesitation of the truth is not there so you share your true feeling more often. I wonder what some mean when they really say I married my best friend, whether it’s the truth? None the less, great insight!

    Reply
  17. Stephanie Jeannot
    February 9, 2017 at 7:29 pm (6 months ago)

    I guess the excitement of just sharing the wealth of news is what they are getting at. I don’t think it’s lazy at all. Everybody is different in the way of relaying their joys.

    Reply
  18. Nicole Feliciano
    February 9, 2017 at 7:06 pm (6 months ago)

    I think it all depends on ages and stages. Marriage in your early 30s compared to what you’ll need and want in your 40s or 50s is different.

    Reply
  19. Amber Nelson
    February 9, 2017 at 6:35 pm (6 months ago)

    Good communication is the most important thing in any relationship. My husband is pretty much my best friend, although there are some things he probably doesn’t want to hear about.

    Reply
  20. Orana Velarde
    February 9, 2017 at 2:11 pm (6 months ago)

    I used to feel bad that my husband wasn’t exactly my best friend. But then years passed and things passed and I have come to realized a lot of the things you talk about here. I agree with you now!

    Reply
  21. Shann Eva
    February 9, 2017 at 1:46 pm (6 months ago)

    Love this! My husband is definitely more than just my best friend. While I tell him a LOT of stuff, he doesn’t really care to here everything I tell my girlfriends. And we do NOT share all the same likes or interests. That would be so boring. ps. I love all of your pictures around Milwaukee 🙂

    Reply
  22. Debra
    February 9, 2017 at 1:36 pm (6 months ago)

    This is such a great post. I love my husband and he is my best friend, we think keeping our relationship fresh is so important!!

    Reply
  23. Jessi
    February 9, 2017 at 12:56 pm (6 months ago)

    I enjoyed reading this. While my husband is one of my best friends, I still have my best friends that I text and go out with, and he has his as well.

    Reply
  24. Jocelyn
    February 9, 2017 at 12:30 pm (6 months ago)

    I agree on some level. I think it is healthy to have different friends and different interests. But sometimes, best friends do make it work. Because marriage is work.

    Reply
  25. Roxanne
    February 9, 2017 at 12:11 pm (6 months ago)

    I do agree it’s healthy for couples to have their own interests and hobbies outside of the relationship. Everyone needs something different to feel fulfilled.

    Reply
  26. Catherine
    February 9, 2017 at 11:52 am (6 months ago)

    Hmm I never really thought about this. I call my husband my best friend and my oldest friend from middle school is my best friend too (she’s a girl). I think it’s important to have best friends in different categories. I find that I have best military friends, best mom friends, and of course my husband is my bestest best friend. Everyone kind of plays a different role and offers me different opinions but my husband’s is the most important.

    Reply
  27. Rachel
    February 9, 2017 at 11:47 am (6 months ago)

    I don’t agree. Yes, you should have best friends outside of your marriage but after decades, kids, tragedies and successes your spouse should be your best friend because they have experienced everything in life with you. I think if you don’t want to call your significant other your best friend that’s fine, but there’s no reason to tell other people they can’t do that.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 12:10 pm (6 months ago)

      I definitely didn’t intend to tell others they shouldn’t but rather encourage them to classify their significant other in different ways!

      Reply
  28. Kathryn
    February 9, 2017 at 11:11 am (6 months ago)

    Totally understand your point, but I completely disagree with it. My husband was my best friend for years before we started dating. There are no secrets. We can talk about anything. He challenges me to be a better person. And we truly have the MOST fun together.

    I think it’s critical that your husband be your friend. No they shouldn’t be your whole world, but being best friends with my husband is the REASON that out communication is so good. I’m very proud to call him my best friend.

    And he feels the same way. I’m not sure at all that calling him that “diminishes him”. In fact, I thInk it’s even more descriptive and complimentary because it means we can talk about anything, trust each other implicitly and love spending time together.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 12:19 pm (6 months ago)

      I appreciate your opinion and agree that you should be able to talk about anything, trust each other and love spending time together. Maybe we just need a new word for this type of relationship with our husbands other than just “best friend.” Because you can have a lot of best friend types of relationships with people but that type of relationship with your husband takes it to a whole new level!

      Reply
  29. Kindness in Demand
    February 9, 2017 at 10:19 am (6 months ago)

    I loved all of your points. However, it’s funny because I believe in the exact opposite. Whenever I hear someone say they are marrying the love of their life, I tend to get a little eye-roll-y. I definitely believe a marriage brought on by friendship will outlast all other marriages. I think the like is always more important than the love.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 12:14 pm (6 months ago)

      HA! Yeah I totally agree in the “love of your life” sentiment! The problem with that is friends you have things in common with, but when you grow up and your interests change, what happens to the relationship? Why do you think over 50% of marriages end in divorce? People outgrow each other which is why your significant other should be more than just your best friend, in my opinion.

      Reply
  30. Steph Gately
    February 9, 2017 at 10:16 am (6 months ago)

    This is exsactly what I try to tell my girlfriends about failing relationships. I think it’s very common for young adults to get caught up in the whole “best friend” thing that we actual lose ourselves. Too much comfort, is laziness. A man shouldn’t see the sides to you that doesn’t leave him guessing. Like your beauty regime. And I agree 1000% on having separate lives, separate hobbies-as a woman, independence is strength. Fabulous read CoCo!

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 12:11 pm (6 months ago)

      Really appreciate your feedback Steph!

      Reply
  31. Sarah Jean Althouse
    February 9, 2017 at 10:04 am (6 months ago)

    Oooh I definitely agree that we should be able to describe our significant others in more terms than just “best friend.” Usually, sadly, those people don’t seem to have much more to base their relationships on than they enjoy being together. However, now that I’ve been married a year and a half I hope that each year we CAN become each other’s best friend> No, he doesn’t need to like watching the Bachelor or do face masks with me but I do like being able to share what’s on my mind with him and share in the most important parts of life.

    Reply
  32. Brandi with Big Fit Fam
    February 9, 2017 at 9:46 am (6 months ago)

    I agree to an extent, my husband is definitely my BEST FRIEND- but I wish there was a better word because he is entirely different than any of my actual friends….He is more, my best PERSON. We are great friends, but we are also so much more for so many more reasons. Great post!

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:53 am (6 months ago)

      Yes! There most definitely needs to be a different word because your friendship with him is beyond, your friendship with others!

      Reply
  33. Joanna
    February 9, 2017 at 9:25 am (6 months ago)

    My husband is my best friend through and through. Did I marry my best friend? No, at that time, he was not my best friend, he was my boyfriend, the love of my life. After being together for 16 years, our relationship evolved. He is the man that I married, the only one for me. And he is my best friend. I can tell him everything. Even when it’s complaining about him. (nagging and complaining are different) Girlfriends come and go (although I’ve had my bff girlfriend for 22 years), but my husband, he’s my best friend for life.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:54 am (6 months ago)

      Glad to hear that after all these years your relationship has evolved bringing you closer. Very true that friends come and go but he is for life!

      Reply
  34. Kristin Cook
    February 9, 2017 at 8:51 am (6 months ago)

    Hmmm. I agree with your last line FOR SURE. No one (including a spouse/SO) should be our whole world, no matter how much we love them.
    But my husband is my best friend (in same ways).
    He’s more than that. And there are some things that my best GIRLFRIENDS are way better at. But I can tell my husband all my secrets and know that he won’t be scared away. He knows all the best and worst parts of me in a way that no one else on this earth does. So in that way, he is my best friend and that is totally okay.
    But I do get your point. And in some ways I can kinda hop on board, and in other ways, I cannot.
    But that’s okay! 🙂
    And btw, CONGRATULATIONS on the engagement! I love how you added that he isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. My hubby is like that too.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:55 am (6 months ago)

      Thanks for your thoughts! My whole point was trying to challenge people to classify their significant other/spouse in ways other than a best friend because I feel like calling them this diminishes what they truly are to you. We need a new word for it!

      Reply
  35. candy
    February 9, 2017 at 7:39 am (6 months ago)

    My husband was the love of my life first, after 35 years he is also still the love of my life and my best friend.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:56 am (6 months ago)

      35 years is a milestone! Way to go. Love to see that your relationship has evolved from love of your life to best friend.

      Reply
  36. Kaylee
    February 9, 2017 at 6:50 am (6 months ago)

    Good read! I agree with you, it is so nice to have friends outside of your marriage! You need someone to vent to and sometimes you just need to talk to someone you don’t live with! Then it feels even better when you girl friend agrees and says, O My God! I’m so glad you have that issue too! My husband does the same thing all the time!

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:56 am (6 months ago)

      Thanks! Glad to have someone join in my sentiments!

      Reply
  37. Debra
    February 8, 2017 at 11:15 pm (6 months ago)

    I love that we have good communication and that we tell each other everything. I love my hubby more than anything, he is my best friend.

    Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:57 am (6 months ago)

      Everyone’s relationship is different! But communication is key in a successful relationship. How you communicate is up for debate!

      Reply
    • CoCo
      February 9, 2017 at 9:58 am (6 months ago)

      Communication is key! How you communicate, and when you communicate is up for debate!

      Reply
  38. Terri Steffes
    February 8, 2017 at 5:24 pm (6 months ago)

    Oh. Lordy, girlfriend, you opened a can of worms, but I agree with you! And, I have 40 years of marriage to back it up. Keep it real, this is the stuff we should be seeing all over the internet.

    Reply

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